


Augen!! ( murder au)

by doktor_flakes



Category: Feeling B, Rammstein
Genre: 90s, Alot of Blood, Angst, Eyes, Fluff and Smut, Gore, M/M, Multi, Murder, Murder AU, Other, after the wall, blonde haired flake, feeling b paul, richards an asshole
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-12 02:06:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29502438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doktor_flakes/pseuds/doktor_flakes
Summary: After his moms death, Christian „flake“ lorenz whole world went numb, to shit even!After his dad saw him killing a bird, he took him to be looked at the local DDR mental hospital. He was diagnosed with multiple conditions ( one being a sociopathic tendencies and severe schizophrenia )He had knowone to protect, thatd what he wants most to protect someone specialBut someone comes by...
Relationships: Oliver Riedel/Christoph Schneider | Doom, Paul Landers/Christian Lorenz | Flake, Richard Kruspe/Paul Landers
Kudos: 3





	1. Mothers melody weeps

**Author's Note:**

> Hallo, so, to people who have sociopathic tendencies or schizophrenia i dont mean any harm and i know not everyone with these disorders are sick and twisted. 
> 
> Flake in this au id based off ted bundy, jefree dauhmer ( acid and boned part) and a couple more
> 
> So warning, this shit is heavy and has some touchy subjects

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tw!!! SELF HARM MENTION AND SOME GORE!!

You know when you do something as a kid, thinking its a good idea? An urge you want to scratch off the list! That was me as a kid, but my urges were not something a normal kind would do. I wanted to hurt animals, I don't know why. I didn't feel a lot as a kid, after my mom died at 10, i just almost stopped feeling anything. I wanted to, id give the world too... sadness swept away and anything else. I was an empty shell, „scared“ of myself but yet felt like i could conquer anything...

One day in my backyard, I found this tiny bird that had fallen, and I wanted to pet it. So I went up to it carefully, not to disturb or startle the tiny animal so they dont get away. I grabbed it and petted it, but my mind said “ this bird disobeyed their mom! Why should it live” so i did what any kid would do. I squeezed, I squeezed and it screamed loud, I felt total adrenaline and satisfaction come over my whole body. I felt SOMETHING! I protected the mom from a horrible kin. As i was at my high, something interrupted it, “ CHRISTIAN! WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE” my fucking father interrupted this feeling of big adrenaline, i havent felt in a while. That mom wouldn’t have to worry anymore, thats what i though. Was it wrong? Yes. But did it satan me? Yes.

“ i wanted to know how it felt like, it felt good”  
My dad was very confused then sighed, he motioned me to come in. I wash my hands and he sits me down, “ chrissy, on tuesday, you're gonna visit somebody. They're gonna ask you questions, and you have to answer correctly okay” i was pretty confused on where he was taking me. He didn't tell me at the time, but mental health issues, such as sociopathic tendencies ,, hell even schizophrenia. My dad was being careful, which I don't blame him for.

When he took me to the doctor, she asked me hundreds of questions about me, like I was a fucking celebrity. She then asked me to go to the waiting room with my father, long story short, they gave me my diagnoses for my illnesses, “ christian has,mild schizophrenia, we think,probably not at all, ptsd, and sociopathic tendencies with bipolar disorder..“my dads face was kinda horror like, and as a little kid, it kinda frightened me, but at the same time… I didn't feel bad for him, I was kinda more concerned about what they were gonna do to me. 

About a week later, my dad saw me scratching myself till I bled, and sent me to the mental hospital for three weeks. I still haven't forgiven him for it, a lot of the kids in there were brats, there was this boy who said he tried to kill himself because his dad bit him. I hated that kid, he’d take these girls pills and snort them, they put me on something, I couldn't hear my own thoughts. I asked why i couldn't think like i usually do, because i was only 12 and very confused on why my dad put me here. They told me, i don't hear anything, is it my mind? That didn't make clear sense at the time, but now that i'm older i understand that it's just ‘ the voices’ . i wish someone told me that before I smashed that kid's head into the wall because i thought he made the poor teacher cry. I broke his nose, but i told him if he ever told anyone it was me i'd break his arm, so i never got in trouble for that… anyways, after i got back from the hospital, my dad sat me down and told me, “ chrissy, why do you scratch yourself? Is it because you miss your mom?” that pissed me off. I never liked when he brought my mom up, she died two years earlier to the whole hospitalization and diagnoses thing. Cancer, the sick fuck it is, took my mom away, i protected her, she protected me… shes’s gone, right now my mind is still blank on what to do next in life- my mom loved the doors, infact, i asked for a keyboard to play most of the songs, and her n’ dad would dance to it, or she’d sing the song while i played, like our home made german doors, except jim was a girl and ray was a 9 year old boy. My dad didn't help much in my mom's passing, not for me at least, he didn't say a word for three months unless it was something extremely important… the house was silent, for him at least. Not for me, I had some good ideas, well bad for regular people, but good for me. Remember dear listeners how i mentioned about me scratching myself, well, long story short, i leveled up to sharp objects, at first i felt like i was leaning towards something good, but after a while it was useless to me. Now, my arm is covered from my shoulder to the middle of my hand in scars, so sweaters are my best friend. It led to nowhere, so why continue something that doesn't lead me too good, or entertainment at least. 

That was a dumb move, but i was 14 then, now im at the bright age of 16, and yet feel nothing, unacomplished maybe? We’ll know it kinda got worse, you see, where I lived during all this, was the GDR ( DDR). I know, i lived in the union, i should be grateful to leave it, but, it wasn't even bad, it was pretty normal and i liked it, now it's too free, and capitalist. Off politics, the wall has fallen, so my dad wants to move to the west of berlin, for job opportunities since most of the east right now is in ruins, everything is closed almost. So, no jobs for people, hint, all the moving. My keyboard is sitting next to me, I'm looking outside my window to all the other cars next to us, everyone has the same idea as us. I sigh, why did this have to happen? Was the east missing something special? Hint the wall going down, and the moving, it looks all the same, just cleaner and a tad bit more electricity scattered around, what waste to have this much on, wasting all the power. I lay my head on the window, and huff, “ what's wrong christian?” my dad says looking at me in the drivers mirror, “ i don't get it, why could you have just moved closer to where the wall was we wouldn't have to move across berlin, this is just extra shit to do” the swings his hand and hits my knee, HARD. He scoffs, “ don't swear like that, im your father, okay, christian, this is a great opportunity! You can have a better education-” im failing school, “ -you can make better friends-” Aljoscha was a great friend, “ - and maybe a girlfriend, or maybe a school to study medical or music, stuff ya like!” I shake my head. Does he not understand, this is bullshit, utter shit, “ dad, im gay, second, im fine by myself, aljoscha was my friend and now i cant see him due to distance, and music is a passion, not something your simply taught and brainwashed to do like regular school” i slump in my seat, all he does is sigh. 

We drove up to our apartment home on a busy street, I mean we're in Berlin, a lot more cars than the east. We stop and my dad locks it off, “ we're here!” i look at the building, wow, this isn't really an upgrade at all, man this kinda sucks, “ is there a backyard?” he nods, “ its smaller, but a nice space for you to read, that's what i tried to get” i smile, he’s not always bad, i mean my dads not a bad person… it's just, after the mom thing, i didn't trust him anymore since i trusted mom more. He tries, but it isn't the best of dads, as he's not the smartest either. In the east, he worked at an office job, it was something about cars, that's why we were lucky to have on. He knows alot about cars, but nothing about basic maths… i step out, “ dad, this is a downgrade…” he looks at me and shakes his head, “ we have all year round heated water” i smile, “ okay it's not that bad'' he smiles nudges my arm, “ see i made ya’ smile, now help me get the stuff from the roof of the car please'' i nod and grab the two chairs and lay them down, then the bag full of metal like things, silver wear, pans, my dads old menorah from my grandma, since she still participates in hanukkah and the jewish religion. Anyways, my dad is randomly talking about something. I'm not paying attention too, when something catches my eyes. SOMEONE actually, he has blonde hair, that was in a ponytail, he had a beautiful face, his jawline, he was riding his bike, with a backpack on, filled to the brim. He looks over, i guess i've been staring, he blushes and waves smirking. I wave back, who is that boy, he has a beautiful face, a beautiful everything, someone pushes him off his bike and he falls, scraping his knee. I run across the street, putting the stuff down, “ hey! You okay?” he nods, “ im fine, guess i got distracted, scraped my knee…” i nod and frown, “ sorry about the staring, i- erm- i don't know” he just smiles and giggles, “ it's fine blonde” i smile and laugh, “ umm need help, my dad has a first aid kit” he shakes his head, “ its fine, my moms a nurse, well, right now she’s looking for a nursing position cuz the ddr is gone” i nod, “ my dad too, but with cars” he nods and smiles. This boy has a nice voice too, “ im christian, but i go by flake” he smiles, “ im heiko, but please just call me paul” i nod, “ okay paul, well, umm imma help my dad unpack” he picks his bike up and laughs, “ okay flakes, ill see ya around” he walks away and hops back on his bike. Ive finally found someone, someone to protect, no matter what gets in my way, he’ll be safe with me… i know it.


	2. I hurt myself today, just to feel...

Flakes pov

“ CHRISTIAN! YOU’RE GONNA BE LATE” dad yells from down the hall, i roll my eyes, and grab my notebook to shove it in my bag quickly- i always bring a book as well, usually about eyes or just medical stuff, hell i read horror too. I'm not subjective to what I read. 

“ YOU’RE TOAST IS GONNA BE COLD CHRI-” he yells, “ I KNOW! I'M COMING!” I responded, I zip my bag, grab it, and run down the hall. I grab the toast and start munching on it, and my dad grabs my arm, “ eey, christian, your hair is messy” he starts fixing it and I roll my eyes. He tries, i give him that, to at least be both the parents- I asked him once if he’d marry another women, he said ‘ no, i only loved her, I don't need another partner’ and left it at that. 

“ for the love of god christian, why aren't you wearing your uniform?” i get his hand out of my hair and fix my glasses, “ since it's the first day, i don't have to wear it” he just does a face that looks like he’s saying ‘ ohhh’ and he just waved me off, “ go go! Don't want you to look bad” i nod and take another bite. I open the front door, and start my journey to the new school, which my dad toured me too. I eat the rest of my toast, and look around to see if there's anything interesting about this place we moved too. Nothing interesting, just tiny shops for food, drug store, clothes, some record shops, I look into those. Then I spot a bookstore, I stop and look at it, there's a lot of books in there I'm interested in. my thoughts were interrupted by a boy starting to talk to me.  
“ hey  
, erm, I don't mean to interrupt you, but do you know where the gymnasium ist?” i look at the boy, he has short cut hair, he has a sharp jawline, a sharp nose, and is wearing a sleeveless shirt. I nod, “ you turn to more rights, and you’ll be there” he nods quickly, “ danke, uumm'' he says, “ im christian…” he nods, “ im christoph, but please just call me schneider, i'll see ya around! If ya want to talk to me again, i'm in the band room” he starts to walk quickly away with his kid looking backpack and waving, smiling at it. Man, what a hyper boy...his bag looks familiar, reminded me of the bag I had in the east. Hmm, another new eastern, guess we all migrated to this shitty town. I start walking towards the school, seeing girls all dressed up, boys acting like dumbasses, the usual. I notice everyone is gathering in the middle of the campus outside, folding chairs out for everyone to sit. I walk near the front gate, and walk in… I noticed the GDR flag with a ‘’WILLKOMMEN ZURÜCK!!,, is this supposed to be a welcome back to the US or to the west trying to be hip and welcome the east… interesting, is this pity, or an actual welcome? I don't know, but i hear a huge scream coming from the microphone, ``hallo! Welcome back! This year is extra special! As germany is finally germany again, united!`` I sat down next to this girl, wearing some black dress, her hair in pigtails with white fluffy hair ties, I'm assuming. She is shaking her leg and playing with her red scarf. I look at the front again.

“ I'm hoping our east friends will be welcomed with open arms. We have a couple russians here with us too” the girl next to me ,and a couple other kids, reach under their chairs and raise some red flowers, waving them around. The headmaster smiles, “ I am done with my rambling, I hope everyone's first day goes great!” some dude laughs loudly, “ FUCK THOSE POOR OSSI!!” a couple kids cheered, ‘ FUCK YOU COMMIES!!’. My blood is fucking boiling. I want to just strangle that boy, gouge their eyes out. I'd love to see them suffer, id starve them, and then use a screwdriver to gauge his one eye out, and hear him scream. 

“ HEY! WHAT DID I SAY! I'LL TALK TO YOU GUYS LATER!-” he clears his throat and claps, “ well, as i said, everyone enjoy the rest of the school years! Tschüss!” Everyone gets up and starts talking, some people just walk off by themselves. The girl next to me smiled, “ Excuse my accent, i moved here a year ago” i just nod, “ its fine '' i smile and get up. She just smiles and walks to the other russian girls giggling, man, i dont like girls at all… I walk off, and go to where we get our daily schedule routines for the day, waiting in the line. I then feel someone poke my shoulder, I look behind me. It's schneider. 

“ Hey, you’re probably annoyed by me, but I'm bored waiting in this line-” he smiles and looks down, “ -its hot as hell, my chest kinda hurts” he says. I just nod.

“ drink some water then, I have some water.”I reach for my water, but he just shakes his head, “ i'm used to it. I have, erm, alot of chest pain, “ he says, rubbing his chest with his one hand. He seems nervous to touch it, and keeps pulling the sides of his shirt down, “ im kinda insecure about it, well let's leave that topic” i smirk, “ if it makes you more comfortable… what subjects did you sign up for?” he asked, kinda moving a bit, like a kid on a sugar rush almost.

“ music, biology, english, math, Phys ed…” he nods and reaches for his bag, “ umm, i was gonna give this to my friend, but here's my number, if ya want to talk or something you can!” i'm shocked. Knowone has ever really given their number to me, or wanted to willingly be friends, even my old east band. 

“ Your bag is from the east, you an east berliner?” he looks at his bad quickly then back, “ You too! Thank gott-” he sighs smiling, “ it's not just me, i mean, there's people obviously from the east” he rambles on and coughs, “ you're up next by the way” i look over my shoulder and see a student sitting at the table writing a name down.

“ name” he asks, “ Christian Lorenz'' that came out awkwardly, kinda embarrassing, but i don't really care. My tone of voice was rude though, ill manered, I should watch it next time. I don't want to make the former eastern students seem like we're not human enough to speak politely. He brings a paper out, handing it to me, “ go to class 5-A, the teacher should give you the week schedule, and other information. NEXT!” he yells and motions me away, “ bye schneider” i say waving to him and he waves back smiling happily, “ BYE BYE!- sorry my names…” I walk away and near the class. 

This is certainly gonna be an interesting school year.


	3. sitting and the blonde

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a meeting, and a suspicious boyfriend

Flakes pov

Finally, break has arrived, and I have time to rest and contemplate if I should just not finish schooling. I sit on top of the table, letting my feet sit on the chair that, well, you're supposed to sit in. I stare at the kids ahead, seeing a lot of them making friends, some kids laughing, dancing, drawing, kissing. I decided to get my book out, and move my glasses back into its position, and having my hair almost cover my face. Right before I start reading, I notice a boy, clinging his hands on his messenger bag strap, looking around. He looks at me and waves, it's the same blonde haired mullet wearing boy from the bike fall, he smiles and I smirk back. He walks over, looking at his feet as he fast walks towards. He starts giggling, " why hello blondie!" .

I smirk and nod.

" hello paul" he moves and sits next to me, looking at my book. He points to it, " what ya reading?" I look at it and just give it to him. It earns his interest as he looks at the cover, then back to see the information about the book.

" it's about ted Bundy, i believe, heard about him from my west pen pal. I finally got my hands on it two days ago..." a smile attaches itself on both our faces, he starts tapping his fingers against it. I notice his black nail polish, and a huge scratch on his hand. I look up, " if you don't mind, what's happened to your hand? Did you fall again, you clumsy bastard" i jokingly say. I'm not good with jokes, as my humor dry from not having many friends.

" umm, my mom's ring cut me, yeah hurt" he looked uncomfortable and I could tell he was lying right threw his teeth, complete bullshit. I'm not gonna push him, he's obviously a nice fragile boy, beautiful, he shouldn't have cracks from people. He just shrugs and gives me back the book, " why are you alone? You should have a bunch of friends! You seem like a very down to earth person" shit, i was scared of this question, how does one tell someone they just met that you broke a kids nose and have the ' im gonna kill you all' resting face. I bite my lip, thinking of a response.

" flake, you seem very sweet... i dont know why you dont have a fuck-load of friends" his hand comes to my knee, and his thumb runs up and down," everyone kinda just thought i was going to kill them, i have the resting bitch face. Plus, i was good on my own, i had knowone to look over, or help when needed. And i was fine that way, knowone interested me, and others did not have interest in me" i turn my head to look at him, his blue eyes look like he's listening and digesting it to have a good response, " -until now, somewhere new, but everyone here seems like an uptight lazy rich asshole... well i have someone to befriend" his face lights up, with some red creeping on his face.

" who is it? Do I know them? Is it me?" his eyes grow wide, " its okay if its not me, that was a fast assumption! Im sorry-" i just put my hand on his that was on my knee, " its okay paul, yes, its you, you're the only approachable person here. There was this boy who gave me his number, no clue why" he just laughs and looks at me.

" he wants to be your friend you stick" he says poking my ribs, and my face grows hot... Why is my face hot? It seems to be red too, as i can see it in the reflection of a puddle, i haven't felt like this since i was 10? Maybe? I honestly. Don't remember anything from the kid I had a crush on... " i dont trust many people, or most people don't earn my gain... and they don't need me for anything so..." that was a lie-this one dude and I slept together for three months, mostly because he had records from the west. So, sleeping with him got me my 10 records, and he eventually ' felt bad' and cut me off. I wanted to just hit him there, i did not just finger this dude for three months, and now have no gag reflex just for him to say, in his words, " christian im not a faggot, but i enjoy this... but i cant keep doing this. My girlfriend would find out..." i know he was just denying he was gay, or saving his own skin from imprisonment. I was in that man twice a week, for David Bowie and Led zeppelin. I then hear Paul start saying something. " I have some friends, but one is an adult. The other is my partner."

" You have a partner? Who is she or he?" i outright knew he was into dudes, but i can see him swinging both ways, " im gay, and his name is richard..." ive heard of a richard, perhaps i met him, rumors maybe? Or maybe I heard the name and thought I had seen him. He just bounces his leg, " he's nice, umm, i like your outfit! It's hot out though, why do you have this long sleeve on? You're gonna pass out!" he says pulling my sleeve. My outfit consists of a black long sleeve shirt with dark red cuffs, some black pants, and converse.

" I have water, don't worry, and danke..." he shakes his head and gets up taking my arm, as he makes a joking mad face, " no sir! You shouldn't be out in that! I'll take you to the music room!" oh shit, i had that class today, but the teacher just said " play with your instruments, and get a feel for now" so i just fucked around with the piano. Does he know I play piano? Or is it somewhere he already stays at, and has claimed for comfort? Maybe he plays an instrument. Im knocked out my curiosity when he enters the room, " my guitars over there, well, it's richards, but he gave his old one to me" he jogs over and picks it up, it's a light blue, egg shell colored middle, with some scratches from much use.

" much more interesting than what i play. I play keyboard, or piano, and there the same thing just one makes a ' beep beep' sound, and the other is for music snobs" as i say that he drops his guitar and walks over to the piano and sits on the edge, " play for me flake! I'd love to hear it!" I'm a little surprised, I'm mostly just called a nerd for playing such a mundane instrument, I rarely play classical. Piano is simply a " hobby". I walk over and sit down, " what you want to hear paul?" he just shrugs, " whatever you want, whatever it is, it'll be lovely, i know it will" i smirk and look down, " you're lovely yourself paul" i look up at him to see him smiling and blushing, " back at you blondie, well go on! Play you beautiful bastard!" I do as commanded, and start playing some bowie, as my brother made me learn so he can make parody lyrics for his friends... -well before he moved out after mom died, he wasn't much older, but my grandma took him because she hated my dad. Like a lot, she thought he was a poor farmer because his dad worked for a food factory. I wonder where he is now, we lost contact. He starts humming to the song, and moving his legs back and forth, as my fingers dance around the chords and hearing the piano command itself to play what's been pressed. I finished and shook my hands, as I played the tougher version of the song. He starts giggling and puts his hand on my shoulder, " i loved it! I love that song as well, you're a very talented flake! You should do this, like, for a job".

" it's more of a hobby, i'm glad you liked it so much" i say with not much tone, but enough to show gratitude to my cute listener. He huffs, with the smirk still in his face, " damn good at your hobby, you play piano beautifully-" he brings his hand to my neck, earning a red tint creeping up onto my cheeks, "- your hair was in your face the whole time, i couldn't see your face... you have a lot of freckles, noticed from your hands'' my hand moves to his thats on my neck, and start rubbing it, " thank you? But, I like my hair, and my freckles are from my mom..." I look down as I say that. I hope I don't look distressed, i need to tell him about my mental health, upfront, before we become friends, " Paul, can i tell you something?" he nods and brings his hands to his lap, " sure flakes"

" I have mild schizophrenia, I thought I'd just tell you... so if you want to back out of being friends-" he puts his on my back, " flake, dear, it's okay you have it, you're still you. I would love to be your friend! Even if you're schizophrenic or not!" this is the most accepting person i've ever met, he's such a good person. I want more, i want to hear about him, i want to be with him... he thinks i'm human. He's very fragile, I can tell, i'll help him, just in case someone hurts him... " that makes me more relaxed, thought i'd get it off my chest" he nods and tucks some hair around my ear, " see? You're smiling, you can't hide your face like that, you look so much brighter now, and very handsome..." is he flirting? I'm guessing so, because im aware of doing it myself, i just shrug. There's nothing much to see, my nose is not right, and i wear glasses, i'm the butt of bullying, i wish i could've done more about it... the teachers did not help ever, " there's not much to be seen, but for you, you're practically sunshine... you kno-" before i could let out more words, i hear someone walking in, " paul, where the fuck were you?- oh who's that?" Paul loses all of the sunshine, and now looks grey, sad even.

" umm, this is my friend flake richard" richard walks over to him and grabs his arm, a little too hard, causing him to flinch as richard looks at him, " i was waiting for you, dear, you know how much waiting kills me." he just nods and looks at his feet, " sorry reesh, just was talking to someone, lost track of time..." i look at Richard, " its my fault, really, don't worry about paul. I brung him here so I could play piano, cuz we both love music so ''Richard nods and leans down to Paul, whispering something. He tugs his arm, " i need him for something right now. He'll see you later" he walks away with paul in his hand, and paul looks at me mouthing " sorry, see you later" he waves smiling, and i wake back smirking. Why is Richard so rough with Paul, poor thing is very fragile, he needs to be treated with care. I have a bad feeling about Richard, I'll keep an eye on him. If he does anything, i'll do something about it, knowone should hurt that beautiful boy...i'll see him around, but he better not do anything to him, ever.


	4. bruised waist,bruised face, only his taste

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> paul is so tired, and just wants a normal relationship
> 
> richard thinks otherwise  
> control is key in his eyes

TW!! MENTION OF SEXUAL ASSUALT!!)

Pauls pov

Richard does one last thrust, and pulls out of me while I'm shaking, and he kisses my back. I get up weakly, everytime we have sex, he goes rough as hell. My ass and hips always are sore the next day, and I have to walk around school in misery. I grab my underwear on the edge of the bed, feeling his seed running down my leg as I try to put my underwear on- richard says it's his mark to finish in me, saying it's for his pleasure- I lay down on my back, with my hands on my chest. I look at my chest, full of hickeys, and I cough, throat hurting from his shaft. He cleans himself off with his shirt, he walks over and leans down to kiss me. He kisses me quickly, and pulls away- note he's still naked- and he leans down to kiss my chest. Blush runs on my face, and gets up looking at me smirking. He walks away and puts underwear and a shirt on. I grab my clothes, stand up, and put my pants on, my long sleeve shirt, then a short sleeved shirt over it.

" you didn't have to grab my hair so hard, it hurt..." I button my pants as I notice he looks over. He scoffs and i can feel the eye roll, " you're so fucking sensitive, fucking crybaby" he says putting his skinny jeans on.

I stay silent, just looking at the ground, he walks over once again as i am now standing at the end of the bed, and kisses me. I dont know why he kissed, right after he insulted me like that, maybe he likes to kiss the person he just insulted. I grab my bag, as he looks after me.

" i like fucking you rough, we've been together for 2 years now, you should know i like hurting you alittle during sex. Makes me feel great, and it makes you moan louder, win-win..." since when was this a win-win? I hate when he does that to me, the reason I'm moaning is because he's hitting my g-spot, not because I like it rough. He smiles and sits on the bed. I walk near the door.

" asshole..." i feel the regret already, i don't know how i let that slip out of my mouth. I hear Richard stomp over.

Richard grabs my hair, pulling me back, making me thump on the floor. He looks down at me, kicking my ribs, I feel tears start to well up in my eyes- he kicks me alot, so he can take advantage of me, in any way it brings him pleasure- i feel a tear roll. He leans down to grab my wrist, feeling his nails dig into my veiny arm. He looks at me, mad, and almost red.

" YOU DON'T CALL ME AN ASSHOLE YOU FUCKING CUNT! " he then slaps me hard, hearing an echo almost of the hand going against my cheek. I cry a little more, sniffing and making a tiny squeal noise, almost in protest for him to stop.

He brings the hand that slapped me to grab my jaw, moving my face closer to his, and I start to sob. He clenches his hand, hurting my jaw.

" you're a fucking bitch, i'd punish you more but im too tired, dont EVER-" he says in a louder tone "- call me an asshole, you're mine and you should follow my fucking orders! You slut, you fucking slut! " he then throws me to the book shelf. My shoulder blade hits the edge, causing a burning sensation in my back, I hiss and cry out a ' oof' sound. Just as I thought of running, he grabs my shoulder, throwing me onto the floor. He kicks my back, leans me over, and punches my face. I feel blood run down my chin from my lip, he spits on me and gets up.

" get out of my house, i'll see you at school..." I sat on the floor in shock, shaking, " OUT! NOW! " I quickly grab my bag, and run out. He then throws another book at the wall in the hallway, I start to sprint, crying, opening his door and closing it fastly. I run down the apartment stairs, wiping my chin and eyes. When I exit the building, I start to slow down, walking down the sidewalk.

People are giving me looks, as a boy whose hair is messed up, has hickeys on his neck, and a lip that's split open. I wipe my nose with my sleeve, crying more- where can i go? Till's house. He always helps, my parents are never home anyways, might as well go somewhere to feel loved. He still lives in the same block across town, in the used to be east. It isn't really far, but my legs hurt- he got a phone installed, and he gave me his number, might as well take that advantage- my sore legs walk to the pay phone. Putting a coin in, I dial his number...

" hallo?" he asks, as i hear his daughter in the back telling him about something, as he shushes her in a nice way. I sniff and I try to think of something, my mouth just hanging open.

" hey till, c-can you-" i spit the blood out my mouth on the pavement, getting a disgusted look from some old lady, and a concerned look from a little kid "- s-something, i, please pick me up... i'm on sixth..."

" what happened!? Did someone hurt you? Why are you cry- nevermind, ill talk to you in the car, nena is coming along by the way" i nod and say ' Tschüss'.

He sets down the tea he made, as nena is watching tv in the back, till sits down next to me, i look at the fridge as he coughs. i'm holding my lip with a rag, it's finally stopped bleeding, i put it down, touching it lightly. Till grabs my hand and pulls my hand down, " don't touch your lip son...'' I nod and look at the tea. I can't drink it to my lip, but he gave me a straw- he became a dad at 18, he still takes care of her, his dad instincts are upgraded every year- i take the straw and put it in. I drink it carefully.

" are you going to tell me what happened paulchen?'' I look at him and shrug, what can i say? ' yes till, the same boy beat me up again after cumming in me!'. I'd leave the last part out because his daughter is in the living room, " it was Richard wasn't it?" he sounds irritated even saying richards name. I nod and start to cry again, he hands me a napkin, and wipes my eyes.

" Why are you crying paul?" nena says, walking in with a toy in her hand, i sniff and smile towards her direction. She walks near me and hugs my arm, she does this everytime i cry, her dad does the same, but not just my arm. I pick her up and hug her, as she sits in my lap, " i fell, it hurts" she nods and pulls away.

" stay here-" she puts her toy down, " don't move!" she runs out of the room, to somewhere, till just raises an eyebrow.

" she's so sweet, you're raising her right till..." till smiles, " she's growing fast, but she's sweeter than sugar. Hyper like she ate sugar, she has the same energy as you, fucking speeding around the house singing songs from school..." as he says that she runs back, with a band-aid as promised.

" here! Lean down, I'm tiny!" i giggle and lean down. She puts a band-aid on my lip, and kisses my cheek, " papa always does that when i get hurt, it makes me feel better so i hope it makes you feel better!" she smiles, her front tooth missing from it falling out. I smile.

" i feel much better! The pains all gone! Your papa kisses me on the cheek to!" she looks to till, as till blushes, " he gets a cheek kiss too! I thought only I got one!" she crosses her arms, and till gets up, " well you get special cheek kisses dear, paul just gets 'bye' kisses" he kisses her cheek, " lets put you to bed, you got school tomorrow, and i don't want a grumpy nena. Don't forget your uniform is hanging in the bathroom!" she nods and walks away, grabbing her toy, " paul, can you say goodnight?". I looked at her, kinda shocked because she never asked me to say goodnight to her, till nods at me to go, and I went to her bedroom. She crawls in her bed, and gets under the covers, " goodnight nena, remember to have good dreams!" she smiles, i lean down to kiss her head, " be careful! Your lip has an ouchie!" she grabs my face and leans me down softly to kiss her head. I turn her light off and wave, as i close the door.

I walk back into the kitchen and sit down sighing, " i dont know what im gonna do, i dont want to leave him, i still love hi-" "- he doesnt love you though, he's using you as a sex toy paul..." till just takes a sip of his tea, looking out the window- he put his kitchen table near the window, saying it ' wakes people up' to see the sun, and its a relief to watch the night- im shocked he said this none the less.

" i know, i want to leave, i'm just scared too..." he nods, getting up with his empty cup, patting my back, " don't be scared, I'm here for you" i just look at my reflection at the now cold tea. He hugs me and kisses my head.

" want to stay here?" I look at him and nod, -i stay here pretty often, and i end up sleeping in his bed with him ( in a non sexual way).

"Danke schön Till" I say while getting up to stretch, he just shakes his head, " don't thank me son" he smiles.

Tills like a dad to me, my dad isn't around much at all due to work... the wall falling took a huge toll on my family, my mom had to move to a new children's hospital- she's a nurse- and my dad had to find a new job for mechanical engineering... so i don't see them much at all anymore, well i didn't see them much in general. I met till when I was 13, he was a family friend, but my parents had a fight with his parents. Me and him at one point were just playing music together, then that got interrupted because he knocked up his ex-girlfriend. After a while, i would just come over whenever, so he's like family to me.

" ich liebe dich, und danke" he just smiles and walks to his room, " come on paulchen!" i walk to his bathroom and change into my underwear, and wash my face with water, my blonde mullet getting wet a little bit. I tie my hair up, stretch once again, and sign. Looking in the mirror is misery when this happens, I hate this, i love him so much. He loves me too, right? Is this his way of showing love, he didn't do this the first 5 months of dating, then it went from smacks on the arm to having my face shoved into the wall, or him forcing me to take his whole dick in my mouth-he almost shattered my nose, i accidentally dropped something, a lamp? I don't remember, and he heard it. I was just standing there, shocked I dropped something. Next thing you know, my face is smashed against the wall, as he's fucking me, i couldnt breathe with how much he was pushing my face into the wall. Does that qualify as rape? I mean, I kinda liked it, but I was still crying. It hurt, my face, him slamming himself into me with no mercy. I cried on the floor, as I felt all of his seed going down my leg, my nose bleeding from a cut, my wrist swollen. I mean, i did drop something, i kinda deserved it. It's his way of showing that I shouldn't do it again... I never told till about this, and I don't plan to. He's A big muscular man, and has threatened to hurt this kid who tripped me, and he can break a pan in half. I would rather him not go to jail for murdering richard... I love Richard, and he too me... I hope....

I got back to tills room, seeing he's trying to find a shirt for me to wear, he turns around and throws a shirt, " i don't want nena to see you in your underwear, i rather not stunt her growth" he jokes. I flip him off, and put the shirt on, and i get into bed. I feel till get into the bed and turn the lamp off, with him saying a light, " goodnight"...

I want to tell someone about this, but who?


End file.
